Year ten sonnet, is it good?

The sonnet is perfectly suited to modern ideas. It's a beautiful form. As such, there's no need to put in anachronisms and language that isn't part of modern vernacular. Words like "nay," "bane," "glee," and "twas" make you sound pretentious. They don't add to the meaning of the poem. Use language and phrasing that comes more naturally to you. I'd also recommend using iambic pentameter. The first line is in anapestic meter, and that's not well suited to the gravity of the subject matter.